So, yeah. It's been almost a year and lots has changed.

Since moving to New England, I've not been able to place my finger on what has really led me to leaving my job in Virginia, the home I owned (with a VERY affordable mortgage), and the friends I acquired over the eight years that I lived there. What I do know is that every thing happens for a very good reason. There are always lessons to learn.

I moved here for a job that I thought I wanted. The pay was really good - so that was a nice incentive. However, I just never felt like it was what I wanted to do. It's what I knew how to do but I was disinterested in all that it was offering me. Normally, I could fall back into a routine that allowed me to have bits of personal joy. That came in the form of helping people learn new things, creating experiences, and planning (cool) events for all to enjoy. Well, I rarely got the opportunity to do that in the 18 months I worked at the community college. So... I bounced.

Where I bounced to is a private school that has a certain level of prestige. That was appealing to me with the hope of being able to do the things I enjoyed so that I could light up my quickly shrinking joy-filled heart. It's been nearly nine months. I had one shining moment in the form of planning Family Weekend. I really loved doing that. I got energized doing that. But, that's really about the only thing that put a little joy back in my heart.

It's been weeks since that joy was in my heart. I've been trying to find ways to put it back in. To fill my bucket back up so that I can be the one that fills the buckets of my staff. My bucket has been depleted. Okay, that was dramatic. It's has a few holes in it.  One or two holes are leaking a little more rapidly than the others.

I've been introspecive for weeks. Are the problems that exist in the office due to my not knowing what to do to help change that? I decided it's not. Those dynamics existed before I got there. However, I feel some level of responsibility because the staff look to me for that leadership. While the responsibility lies with me to begin to address it, I don't know if I really ever wanted it.  This is something I really have to continue thinking about. Life decisions are hard, y'all!

There is an on-going situation I'm dealing with staff-wise that is taking me through so many emotions. I've been questioning my move to New England almost since moving here in 2016.
My choice to leave a better paying job for a percieved better professional experience (that can be defined in so many ways). Wondering if I should even stay in higher education and student affairs in general. I've even toyed around with going back to teaching art. Actually, I'm seriously considering it. I do love art. I love teaching students and watching them learn new things. I love coaching people through decisions. I love creating. The brighter element in all of this is me having met my partner of two years here. But even that seems to be affected on some level by all of these things I'm trying to manage professionally.

I've watched several friends that I know from the world of student affairs leap into new career paths this year. There is something thrilling about that idea to me. What would that look like? What would it feel like? Would I get to go home at a regular time? Would I find myself with more time to take care of myself?  That last one came up after I went to a doctor appointment today. They always ask if I'm exercising. I am not. I did when I worked at the community college, though! hahaha

On the brighter side of things...I started a candle business and it's going pretty well! I got a great raise from a company that uses me to produce graphic design projects for their trade shows - If I worked for them full time, I'd be making six figures! And my Etsy shop is doing pretty well.

This rambling post is brought to you by the letters U, G, and H. 

Wow.. My words actually helped!

Yesterday I received a message from one of my blog readers. It's crazy how you never know how people will take what you write and what they'll do with the words if they choose to do anything at all. This particular reader had emailed me a month or two ago saying their job search wasn't going so well and that he had forgotten how to use his light saber. Here's his email from yesterday.

Hey Dennis,

How's the new job going? Did you start already?

I got a new job too. I'll be moving to Seattle in a few weeks!

Your blog about keeping your light saber at full force really inspired me during my job search. Ironically, just when I had about given up on ever finding something, I thought back to your blog, built up a rejuvinated sense of confidence in myself, and had a job offer two days later. Of course, that's just a coincidence, but it inspired me none the less. Keep writing!

Have a great night!

C

How about that?

I just learned today that we have the exact same start date.

To the rest of you still searching. Use "The Force" - your confidence. Everything you need is within you. Your light saber is your ability to wield the power of all you know. Be nimble!

Oprah-isms Revisited

WOW... I was thinkin' about the blog I posted last night and came across an article I wrote for our Division of Student Life Newsletter. It's crazy how easily we can get immersed into "other things" and forget the stance we decided to TRY to take. It's kind of like a New Year's Resolution. You have great intentions of holding to that resolution but it slowly slips away. Then you forget whatever it was that you resolved to do - unless it's weight loss and the only reason you remember that is because of repetition. I mean, how many of us have made the weight loss resolution??

At any rate, I thought I'd share what I was feeling like nearly 2 years ago. Clearly it's starting to be an annual reminder of where I need to be and probably a good lesson for all to read.

I will say that I am again enrolled in classes for personal enjoyment after taking a year off because I couldn't possibly find time for personal pleasures outside of work. The classes have allowed me to make another attempt at living my best life. Go Me!

Thanks for reading...

Oprah-isms: A reflection on personal development

Around this time last year, I wrote an article titled, “The New Chaos and Calamity”. The article discussed aspects of leaving your 20’s and moving into the life of a thirty-something professional. I ended the article by answering the question, “Do you feel you’re where you want to be in life?” with, “I’m exactly where I want to be.”

As I reflect on my previous writing and having turned 31 recently, I wondered if I truly was where I wanted to be. The more I think about it, the more I realize that I am or in the very least, headed in the right direction. I realized that Oprah was on to something many years ago.

In my personal life, I committed to my #1 Oprah-ism, "Remembering My Spirit". Oprah’s use of this phrase on her television show helped thousands of people. I remembered my own spirit by reconnecting with my passion for creativity. My career took the driver’s seat the first 8 months of 2005 but the last 1/3 of the year was committed to self-expression. I have never felt so accomplished! I had always talked about writing a book and I did by writing a 50,000-plus word manuscript and entering the National Novel Writers Month Competition. To add to writing, I always wanted a sewing machine and learn to sew. My first projects were throw pillows which I gave away as gifts. I will tackle shirts this spring – so look for high fashion from the House of Hicks soon. Lastly, I rediscovered my love for photography. I have been dabbling with photography since 1990 and began taking courses at the Community College of Southern Nevada during the beginning of 2005. With that commitment, I had the idea of creating my own website to show off my work. I had contemplated doing the website for a while. I was always afraid that I wouldn't have enough money to run it, or that my work wasn't good enough. On December 23, 2005, I made the commitment and began the process of creating my own website.

So where did all the fortitude come from? I'm not sure exactly. Maybe it was born from a need/desire to be creative and expressive. Perhaps it was the need for some personal accomplishments. Or it could be the result of something I never had control over to begin with. Whatever the case may be, I feel as though my life is being fulfilled and the use of Oprah-ism #2 is being realized: "Live Your Best Life" and I encourage you to do the same. Find that spark, the drive, the determination to reconnect with what gives you personal fulfillment.

The Battle of the Golden Handcuffs and Mucky Muck

What a glorious day it is when I wake up with the stresses of my life causing me to grind my teeth - LITERALLY! Lately I've realized that I have plenty on my plate o' things to do and can't seem to slow down. I'm sure many of you have had semesters like that. Where you can't ever seem to slow down because of all the expectations that seem to rest on your reputation as a producer of quality work. I say reputation because that's exactly what I'm trying to keep up with a to not disappoint or piss off someone. What makes this time especially stressful is attempting a job search.

I entered this position 4 1/2 years ago and I've now come to conclude that I'm an overachiever. I want to do all for these students that I can within the powers of my magic wand. With the flick of the wrist, I give myself the energy of 5 men to complete program after program at a break-neck pace. In the early years (it's really not that long ago - I swear) I did everything because people asked me. When people realize you are skilled in an area you become the "go-to-person" and they start spreading your name around campus. Next thing you know, you're on twelve committees, 5 sub-committees, 2 planning groups, and having lunch meetings because you don't have enough time to schedule another meeting outside of eating a proper lunch.

I started thinking about how I found my way to this lifestyle. I think our Merit Process has a lot to do with it. If you're not familiar with that process - here's the short and quick of it. You do things outside of your job description that adds to the overall success of the university and you show that you've gone above and beyond the call of duty in regard to your job description. This means taking on committee work, being committee chair, becoming published, community service, being elected to national and regional offices, doing presentations at conferences, etc. The more you do while juggling your own job earns a merit increase. It can be quite nice and a key motivator for many a things... The extra money is lovely but lovely at what expense?

This morning as I ground my teeth and stretched as I had my cup of coffee before my short commute. I happened to look at my bookshelf and saw a book I had bought a while back but OBVIOUSLY hadn't read yet. "Don't Sweat the Small Stuff at Work" by Richard Carlson, Ph.D. I opened this book and it automatically landed on the Don't Be Trapped by Golden Handcuffs tip. How ironic I thought. I have definitely placed a set of golden handcuffs on myself. With each merit increase I spent more. A bigger apartment. A new car. A new computer. A trip out of town. Racking up credit debt and a lifestyle that requires me to make as much money as I am. Basically expecting to live a life to match the income that I THOUGHT made me look more successful to others. How STUPID! As I read this section I thought about how I could unlock those handcuffs. I hate shackles.

Do I really need a three bedroom apartment to share with a roommate? Do I really need 300 channels to surf on the cable box? Did I truly need that Wii video game console? How about that Tivo? What about high-speed internet? Well.. wait.. I do LOVE my internet... so that's a yes, I do need it.

I say all of this to say Notorious B.I.G. had it right - "Mo' Money, Mo' Problems". That' s not to say that those golden handcuffs are tight but they are making me a tad uncomfortable. My need to satisfy my physiological needs are in jeopardy. I need to quote Oprah here - It's time to Remember My Spirit! It's time to downsize.

The Golden Handcuffs can trap you into believing that you have to make "X" amount of money to live. In reality I lived perfectly fine before the merit increases. In fact, I even lived alone and paid all my utilities, had a modest cable channel assortment and (of course) high speed internet. However, nearly a year ago I felt as though I didn't have enough money even after a $3000 raise! How R-I-D-I-C-U-L-O-U-S!

I say all of this to raise the question - is making more money in turn, making you more happy? Is your quality of life where you'd like it? Are you finding yourself in the same financial debacle as you were when you made less money? Are your essential needs being met? That lack of a sense of belonging seeming to belittle you? Is your esteem beginning to lull? Is your current job not fulfilling your career goals yet you stay for the pay? Are you self-actualizing your hopes, dreams and goals?

As I begin this job search - I'm beginning to realize what's important this time around. I want a better quality of life - mentally, physically, and socially. I want to be able to do my job well, have a life at home, and be able to indulge in my hobbies. I'm determined to find that. If I have to make concessions to my current lifestyle I'm okay with that - since when did acquiring "things" by any financial means necessary become a necessity and a low quality of life become consequential?

In the last few months I read an article about why people enjoy their jobs. In the article, it wasn't so much that they enjoyed what they did for a living - it was more to the fact that their needs for a high quality of life were met. People who are happy at work and have longevity love the city they live in, have a strong base of friends, and the ability to enjoy activities outside of work. It also mentioned that a healthy dose of challenging work and a sense of accomplishment also factors in there. Now - that's not to say if you're unhappy in one area of your life you need to pack it up and go - it's just a thought about what helps you to have the quality of life you desire. That leads us into values - and that's a WHOLE other blog because I'm an INTJ on the MBTI - and I will surely have an opinion on that! Yep.. I do enjoy those personality inventories for PERSONAL UNDERSTANDING from time to time. If you've read a previous blog of mine... you know what I'm getting at - HA HA!

So enough with all of the mucky muck! This wonder boy is on his way to self-actualize a new way of thinking about work, life, health and his pursuit of happiness.

Holla back y'all!

(and yes, I stole that mucky muck/wonder boy stuff from Tenacious D! - OMG.. a new nickname for me! )

On the New Seaon of...

I guess it's because I've gotten swept up in the drama that ensues on my newly purchased DVDs of season two of Dynasty. I love a good drama! I love Alexis Carrington! I have season one also and it's not nearly as thrilling as season two - I think anyone who enjoyed this 80's evening soap knows this. What those same people would know is that the drama is always the same - just presented differently in each episode and that's precisely the world of student affairs.

Love it or leave it - our careers in student affairs is dramatic. It's not unusual to hear "She said..." , "He said...", "I can't believe he...", "Did you know..." on campus - from other professionals no less. HA!

I've just started the season of meetings on our campus. I'm in my 5th season of this series. Complex Council, Residence Hall Association, National Residence Hall Honorary, Dining Commons Committee, Committee for the Committee of Forming a Committee, and the "let's meet tomorrow to discuss what was discussed in today's meeting" meetings. It can all be so dramatic and seem so important.

If you've worked with student groups you know how a dramatic turn of events can happen and throw people into a tizzy. This week on As the RHA Turns, I witnessed a dialogue exchange that will undoubtedly morph into a battle between "Krystal" and "Alexis". As the advisor, I'm challenged with managing/directing each episode and I thought, "How do I manage these two personalities and make sure the good of the team is intact?" I mean, we DO have a lot more episodes to do! My first thought was to sit back and watch because as I said earlier.. I LOVE a good drama. Then there's the seasoned student affairs professional in me that says, "You better get a grip on these two!"

Working with students who are trying to figure out who they are, what it really means to be mature, and how to become more professional without compromising their authenticity is tiring! But it's a labor of love.

Each semester presents 16 new episodes. They laugh; they cry; they argue; they threaten to walk out on you; they vow to never talk to someone unless they have to; they plan; they plan to watch things fail; they plan to succeed; they vanish only to return just in time when their help is no longer needed; they work until their help is no longer needed. Our students can, at times, be all these things and more and it's our dedication to them that encourages them to be the stars of the show. It's our job to bring out the talent and natural gifts in our students and help them shine.

So, on with the show and may each of us who advise student organizations strive to be the Aaron Spellings of our campus. Dramatic close-ups, paused stares into the cameras and all!