So, yeah. It's been almost a year and lots has changed.

Since moving to New England, I've not been able to place my finger on what has really led me to leaving my job in Virginia, the home I owned (with a VERY affordable mortgage), and the friends I acquired over the eight years that I lived there. What I do know is that every thing happens for a very good reason. There are always lessons to learn.

I moved here for a job that I thought I wanted. The pay was really good - so that was a nice incentive. However, I just never felt like it was what I wanted to do. It's what I knew how to do but I was disinterested in all that it was offering me. Normally, I could fall back into a routine that allowed me to have bits of personal joy. That came in the form of helping people learn new things, creating experiences, and planning (cool) events for all to enjoy. Well, I rarely got the opportunity to do that in the 18 months I worked at the community college. So... I bounced.

Where I bounced to is a private school that has a certain level of prestige. That was appealing to me with the hope of being able to do the things I enjoyed so that I could light up my quickly shrinking joy-filled heart. It's been nearly nine months. I had one shining moment in the form of planning Family Weekend. I really loved doing that. I got energized doing that. But, that's really about the only thing that put a little joy back in my heart.

It's been weeks since that joy was in my heart. I've been trying to find ways to put it back in. To fill my bucket back up so that I can be the one that fills the buckets of my staff. My bucket has been depleted. Okay, that was dramatic. It's has a few holes in it.  One or two holes are leaking a little more rapidly than the others.

I've been introspecive for weeks. Are the problems that exist in the office due to my not knowing what to do to help change that? I decided it's not. Those dynamics existed before I got there. However, I feel some level of responsibility because the staff look to me for that leadership. While the responsibility lies with me to begin to address it, I don't know if I really ever wanted it.  This is something I really have to continue thinking about. Life decisions are hard, y'all!

There is an on-going situation I'm dealing with staff-wise that is taking me through so many emotions. I've been questioning my move to New England almost since moving here in 2016.
My choice to leave a better paying job for a percieved better professional experience (that can be defined in so many ways). Wondering if I should even stay in higher education and student affairs in general. I've even toyed around with going back to teaching art. Actually, I'm seriously considering it. I do love art. I love teaching students and watching them learn new things. I love coaching people through decisions. I love creating. The brighter element in all of this is me having met my partner of two years here. But even that seems to be affected on some level by all of these things I'm trying to manage professionally.

I've watched several friends that I know from the world of student affairs leap into new career paths this year. There is something thrilling about that idea to me. What would that look like? What would it feel like? Would I get to go home at a regular time? Would I find myself with more time to take care of myself?  That last one came up after I went to a doctor appointment today. They always ask if I'm exercising. I am not. I did when I worked at the community college, though! hahaha

On the brighter side of things...I started a candle business and it's going pretty well! I got a great raise from a company that uses me to produce graphic design projects for their trade shows - If I worked for them full time, I'd be making six figures! And my Etsy shop is doing pretty well.

This rambling post is brought to you by the letters U, G, and H. 

When Opportunity Meets Preparation

Lately, I've been thinking about my experiences in the field of student affairs. I have been contemplating how, when, and why I'd like to write this entry. Sitting here now makes my eyes water because of the amount of gratitude I want to share with everyone who has helped to carry me to this point in my life. It's amazing to me to think that I have been in the field for 7 years! What's even more amazing is reflecting on all that I've learned in those 7 years. While it may seem obvious to most that with 7 years of doing a specific type of job gives you a certain level of expertise, I'm here to talk about another. The unofficial mentor.

When I say unofficial, I'm talking about those individuals that you see and think, "Wow, I want to learn how they did/do it!" and you don't necessarily discuss with them your intentions. This all comes to mind with my last work experience at the University of Nevada Las Vegas. I have a tremendous level or respect and gratitude for having worked with the people I've had the opportunity to engage in dialogue and share experiences. This is not to discount my other experience as a hall director in Georgia. Having spent 5 years at one institution, I feel compelled to speak directly of this particular experience.

In 2003 I began my journey at UNLV. I really had little knowledge of student affairs theory, of what it meant to attend a national convention, let alone which one to attend, and I had yet to put together a proposal, official document, or otherwise for a university and/or its upper administration or even a national publication. I was indeed, green and sometimes green with envy because of my new colleagues seemingly extensive knowledge of the theories I had never fully understood or even studied. I'll be the first to tell anyone that my masters program was not terribly enriching.

It's not easy being green. I learned that during my first year when I was passed up for a merit pay increase, when everyone else who was also new around me received one. At that moment I sought out my first unofficial mentor. Since I had become friends with him, I would ask questions on how to improve and jokingly tell him that I was indeed on the same fast track to success. I definitely modeled some of my professional choices after him and it paid off. The next year and each year thereafter, I did receive merit. There were other unofficial mentors in the Division of Student Life. The level of support, those valuable teachable moments, and trust meant a great deal to me. I truly feel that I would not be in the position I am now poised to take on had this journey and your guidance not been a part of my life.

Some of the things I've learned are:

• professional ettiquette
• writing minutes
• running meetings
• indulging my creativity
• taking risks
• learning how to honor commitments
• learning the importance of being on time
• student affairs theory
• how to be developmental
• working smarter not harder
• having rich diaglogues
• goal planning
• creating a vision
• creating event binders
• being thorough
• playing devils advocate
• knowing how to say no
• knowing when to say yes
  
• being stern when necessary
• "playing nice"
• the value of inclusivity and collaboration
  
• the constant use of student affairs lingo
• walk the talk
• how to do bigger and better events
• report writing
• assessment
  
• the value of autonomy
• becoming a better writer
• drafting "official" documents/emails
• being "collegial"

Leaving UNLV was a really difficult choice especially with so many unknowns with taking on a new position. I remember the conversations I had with our Assistant Director and Director on why I wanted to do a job search. The only thing I could really speak to was that I needed a change from the job I had been doing for the last 5 years. I knew that role like the back of my hand but something kept telling me to move on. I resisted and even drafted a "new duties" document to outline how my position could be better utilized.

Now I sit in my new home in Virginia, reflecting on this journey and sharing it with my readers. I didn't mention the names of individuals because they deserve to be recognized for being great professional role models and helping me go from a green newbie to a seasoned professional on a more personal level.

I titled this post, "When Opportunity Meets Preparation" because honestly, I was watching TV and someone said it on a show. It was in reference to luck and it made me think of my situation and how, during the last 7 years I was being prepared for my new role. If you recall my previous posts, I did a job search. I went on two campus interviews and for whatever reason, I did not fit their needs and I'm okay with that. It's the fit with an institution and the department that you'd be working in that's most important. It was on the third campus interview where I seemed to find a fit and they did, too. Fast forward to the present and by the end of this month, I will no longer be in the position I was hired for. After two months on the job, I was offered the opportunity for a promotion and the opportunity crossed paths with my preparation!

Going back to the position I had in Georgia, a book that a Dean I worked with gave to our housing department has been ever influencing in how I do my work. The book is, "The Four Agreements" by don Miguel Ruiz. It's a quick read and a simple concept to digest and implement into your life. Be sure to check out the link to read the what those agreements are.

I say all of this for two reasons, to show my appreciation for the professional development I received from my UNLV family and to let you, the reader, see how it all comes together when you're ready for it. To develop as a professional takes mentoring in the unofficial or official versions. I doubt that any of the people aside for one who I am friends with, even realized they had that type of influence. It's always the little things that add up to be really important. Just watch how people work and do their work - you'll be amazed at what you pick up. And those times when you get reprimanded, can also be those influential moments that stick with you forever and create a stronger professional. If you don't ever make mistakes, how can you ever grow? Had preparation not met those opportunities in Georgia and Nevada, I would not be prepared for the new professional opportunity I've accepted. I plan to pay it forward to each green newbie whose opportunity crosses my path.

Thank you to everyone who has played a part in my experiences, whether you saw your contribution in this entry or not, everyone has had a part in helping me be who I am as a professional and friend today.

With sincerest gratitude,

The Lessons We Teach

I was sent this video from a friend.  It's crazy to think of the things that people do and say out of fear.  I was thinking about this because I have a childhood friend who is pretty right-winged with his beliefs.  He and I go back and forth on issues and the whole immigration issue was one of them (among other things).  

Working in student affairs, I think I've become... wait.. I KNOW I've become more accepting of things, more knowledgeable of people's feelings, and more politically correct - and we all know that this can sometimes be taken wrong by those who don't understand why I/we choose to use certain words. I am often dubbed a liberal. I'm okay with that.

I was thinking about how I now, since becoming a student affairs practitioner, have become an advocate for so many things and find myself sharing what I've learned not only with the students I work with, but also with my family, friends and acquaintances.  

• Instead of assuming someone is married to a man or a woman and saying husband and wife - we say partner or spouse. 
• Instead of saying someone is black, people will say African-American (although I still ONLY say black - because I did not immigrate from Africa). 
• Instead of saying Merry Christmas, we say Happy Holidays.
• Etc. etc.... 

In the last 5 years, I find myself advocating for things that aren't even related to me. Be it someone's religious beliefs, to the poor, the homeless, beggars on the street, people who are extremely different from myself and so forth.  There was a lesson that I learned from Mr. Wagner in 5th grade. To give people the benefit of the doubt (although it was most often related to when we scored classmate's tests and quizzes). 

After having watched the video, I started to think about how we try to educate our students. I plan to spark a discussion with them to get them to think more about more important matters than what's happening with Britney Spears or how the next episode of a reality show is so intense.  

I give the people in the video the benefit of the doubt.  My first instinct was to think, "Wow, these people are crazy!". Then I thought about how they're not so much crazy as they are afraid. I also don't perceive them to necessarily be racist but they are wanting self-preservation. All of this comes from not being aware of how the other side feels.  One of the lessons I learned in life is to place myself in someone else's shoes before I make a judgement.  What would I do and how would I feel?

Watch the video and think about how you're doing your part to teach the lessons you've learned to the students you work with. 

Just something to think about.

The last lecture of Randy Pausch 1

10 Minute Lecture

Full Length Lecture (which is MUCH better to watch)
The first 7 minutes or so are introductions, etc.

Today I was watching Oprah. Yeah.. She's one of my favs! On her show were people who were living with a disease that is killing them. Randy Pausch was one of her guest.

Randy has pancreatic cancer and has been told that he has only a few months before he will begin to deteriorate and eventually die. In his final lecture (which is something done at Carnegie Mellon University every year) he talks about maintaining your childhood dreams and achieving those dreams. It moved me.

There were several things that stood out in my mind from his lecture. One thing was that his parents never curtailed his creativity. He wanted to paint the walls in his room with pictures, ideas, etc, and his parents allow him to. So did my parents. That made me consider how lucky I was to have parents who allowed me to be "me". They may not have always been happy with all aspects of me but the undoubtedly respected me, my creativity and choices as a human being.

Randy (his lecture is THAT good that it makes me feel that we're so close that we're on a first name basis) has a knack for painting a vivid image of the simplicities of life.

It's a testament to living life through your own dreams and never giving up on those dreams. What a great lesson for us as student affairs professionals to learn/revisit and what an EXCELLENT lesson to teach our students.

Take a look at the clip. Share it. Talk about it. Ponder the concepts.

Imagine what life would be like if we truly focused on what really matters in life then what really matters to us.

Right now I'm workin' on a pretty good "head fake" :0) - you have to watch the video to get it.

This clip is only a snippet of his hour lecture. I am working to find a way to post the entire lecture on this site.

Don't Cry For Me....

I have to set the tone for this blog by providing a soundtrack. I choose the Evita soundtrack. YES - the one featuring Antonio Banderas and Madonna. Like Evita, I have my moments, I have my style, I have my missteps and it causes me to self-reflect.

During the last two days I forgot to a extend professional courtesy - but I sure as hell would have expected it from my peers if I were on the other side of the fence. I received an email from a superior that really put me in check. It was almost like a mother scolding her son when he doesn't use his manners. At least that's what it felt like. I needed that.

In order to become a better professional we need to be made aware of our mistakes. It doesn't always necessarily need to come in a touchy feely approach - sometimes we as professionals, don't "hear that". Sometimes we need a good stern stare and a finger shaking to set us back on track. The email I received was full of a stern stare and finger shaking! A few years back, I had a Director be stern about my tardiness to a meeting. To this day - I am NEVER late to a meeting unless it's due to my resolving an issue that requires immediate attention.

These are those professional development moments that come out of necessity. Those learning moments that puts you back on track and settle into your brain.

Oprah-isms Revisited

WOW... I was thinkin' about the blog I posted last night and came across an article I wrote for our Division of Student Life Newsletter. It's crazy how easily we can get immersed into "other things" and forget the stance we decided to TRY to take. It's kind of like a New Year's Resolution. You have great intentions of holding to that resolution but it slowly slips away. Then you forget whatever it was that you resolved to do - unless it's weight loss and the only reason you remember that is because of repetition. I mean, how many of us have made the weight loss resolution??

At any rate, I thought I'd share what I was feeling like nearly 2 years ago. Clearly it's starting to be an annual reminder of where I need to be and probably a good lesson for all to read.

I will say that I am again enrolled in classes for personal enjoyment after taking a year off because I couldn't possibly find time for personal pleasures outside of work. The classes have allowed me to make another attempt at living my best life. Go Me!

Thanks for reading...

Oprah-isms: A reflection on personal development

Around this time last year, I wrote an article titled, “The New Chaos and Calamity”. The article discussed aspects of leaving your 20’s and moving into the life of a thirty-something professional. I ended the article by answering the question, “Do you feel you’re where you want to be in life?” with, “I’m exactly where I want to be.”

As I reflect on my previous writing and having turned 31 recently, I wondered if I truly was where I wanted to be. The more I think about it, the more I realize that I am or in the very least, headed in the right direction. I realized that Oprah was on to something many years ago.

In my personal life, I committed to my #1 Oprah-ism, "Remembering My Spirit". Oprah’s use of this phrase on her television show helped thousands of people. I remembered my own spirit by reconnecting with my passion for creativity. My career took the driver’s seat the first 8 months of 2005 but the last 1/3 of the year was committed to self-expression. I have never felt so accomplished! I had always talked about writing a book and I did by writing a 50,000-plus word manuscript and entering the National Novel Writers Month Competition. To add to writing, I always wanted a sewing machine and learn to sew. My first projects were throw pillows which I gave away as gifts. I will tackle shirts this spring – so look for high fashion from the House of Hicks soon. Lastly, I rediscovered my love for photography. I have been dabbling with photography since 1990 and began taking courses at the Community College of Southern Nevada during the beginning of 2005. With that commitment, I had the idea of creating my own website to show off my work. I had contemplated doing the website for a while. I was always afraid that I wouldn't have enough money to run it, or that my work wasn't good enough. On December 23, 2005, I made the commitment and began the process of creating my own website.

So where did all the fortitude come from? I'm not sure exactly. Maybe it was born from a need/desire to be creative and expressive. Perhaps it was the need for some personal accomplishments. Or it could be the result of something I never had control over to begin with. Whatever the case may be, I feel as though my life is being fulfilled and the use of Oprah-ism #2 is being realized: "Live Your Best Life" and I encourage you to do the same. Find that spark, the drive, the determination to reconnect with what gives you personal fulfillment.