What I Wish I Would Have Known in Student Affairs

A while back I came across a blog that stated, "20 Things I Wish I Had Known When Starting Out in Life". I then started thinking about the things I wish I had known about Student Affairs. There are quite a few things to mention that most people probably picked up in their graduate programs. However, one of the things I've always understood is the importance of humble, friendly, energetic, and willing to do the work.

Below is a list of things I wish I had known prior to getting into this field. Feel free to add your own "I wish I would have known" comments. This could be fun!

1. Know more about the process of getting hired. When I was on the verge of graduating with my MA, I had no idea what the time-line looked like in order for me to get a job. I really didn't start applying for positions until May - and as you know.. that's WAY LATE! Luckily I found a position as a hall director. Those two years were great - but I definitely didn't know what to do as a hall director because I had only lived in the halls for a semester myself. HA! I guess with the willingness to learn and do the work you can do anything. It's called SURVIVAL!

2. What exactly do you do at an ACPA and NASPA and why would you want to go? I had heard about these two student affairs organizations but I never really grasped why it was important for me to be a member. It didn't help that the first institution I was employed with didn't go to either of these conferences - so there went another two years of not knowing.

3. Be your (professional) self in Interviews and RELAX! Wow, I just got this not too long ago. You don't want to force yourself to fit a position - you want to give the interviewers a sense of who you are and they'll decide if you're a good fit. When you do this.. you become less nervous. Just make sure you're prepared.

4. Have a general idea of a handful of theories. Some people in student affairs like to talk theory. I'm not really one of them - but I can at least give you a general idea of some of the most used ones and hold a conversation. In my early years, this wouldn't be the case. I had theories class - but I skated through that class. In my current position I gained the knowledge to be able to speak on some theorists even if it's not my favorite thing to do (I actually get quite bored). Having a general knowledge also helps you through some interviews. I don't know how many actually ask questions on your theory knowledge - but UNLV definitely does. I will say that I've never heard anyone shout out, "Oh my God - I just did challenge and support!" - It's all about putting it into practice.

5. Stay out of the gossip. Actually I've always lived by this one since graduate school. Gossip will destroy everything and trust goes right out of the window. If you're participating in gossip, just imagine how much others you're gossiping with are actually gossiping about you. Think "Mean Girls". It all comes back to bite you on the ass in the end.

6. No matter what they say, there is ALWAYS ways around it. Don't ever take the first no as the FINAL ANSWER. Oh, and those rules are they just as a guideline - of course unless it may result in death, pain, serious injury and incarceration. While there might always be a way around something you can't always skirt around a rule - but a lot of times you can.

7. Stand your ground - be confident. Sometimes you meet people who are in a higher position than you and the culture is to fear this person for whatever reason. If you're confident that commands a certain level of respect. If you're sure about something, stand your ground - but know when to concede. Some battles are just not worth the fight, plus you have to think of the whole team. How is standing your ground on a subject affecting others? It took me a while to be confident enough to stand my ground when I believed in something.

8. Be well known for something. Whatever you're good at - keep it up. Be known for that. If it's being punctual - let that be your M.O. Are you an encyclopedia of team building/ice breaking knowledge? Then do as many staff development exercises as possible. If you're creative, show it any chance you get. If you are organized - offer to help others be that way. If you can find humor in the most appropriate times when it's needed, then do it. Accentuate whatever skill/talent you have to help yourself shine brightest.

9. Don't agree to do something if you really don't want to do it. This is a no-brainer. If you don't want to do something and you've convince yourself that you have to because someone may be offended or upset that you can't - then that's their problem. My motto is, "Help when you have the time, ability and WANT to help". You'll always come across as genuine because you will be your genuine self when you are helping. Doing something because of politics, being afraid to say no, or afraid someone will not like you will set you into a hard to break spin-cycle of inauthentic behavior and you'll always remember the time when you did that "favor" for someone. It's the times you don't remember doing something for someone but they always remember you doing it for them, that you have done something with pure kindness. It's those things that count in the long run.

10. Take advantage of all of your fringe benefits! Get your full worth at your institution. Health benefits, retirement plans, computer loans, free software, free or discounted tuition - take FULL advantage. I've taken advantage of all of the benefits. The tuition one is great because while I may not be working towards a degree, I'm working on improving my skills in other areas that help me do the work in my position better - and better still, I am taking classes for personal enrichment.

11. Don't become a politician (unless you're REALLY running for office). You can't be everything to everyone all of the time but who you can be is yourself everyday. This is not to say you aren't respectful and thoughtful in regard to a colleagues role in your department or division - but what it's saying is that you be consistent in your dealings and confident in the decisions you make. People will respect you more for your point of view, your enthusiasm, and honesty. Keep in mind, this isn't carte blanche to say and do "whatever the hell you want" but more of a vehicle to be you. It's wise to press palms, smile, and engage in authentic conversations but it's not wise to get yourself caught up in the "watch out for so-and-so", the "they don't like it when...", or the "you don't want to piss off so-and-so ", etc. Once you start tip-toeing around folks, it's a wrap! You've given them the power without them even asking for it.

A Stranger in a Strange Land

Okay... consider me dramatic.

I've just completed my first week on the job (practically... I still have another hour to kill). It was kind of auspicious. I mean, this truly seems like a fun bunch of people to work with. I'm sure I'll find things that I'm not particularly fond of, but for the most part, to quote Tim Gunn, "(I'll) Make it work!"

The newness of the area is still affecting me. Who thought leaving the desert would leave me in disarray? I grew up in the land of green space abundance. The land of towering trees and grass and highways for miles. Yet, I still find myself feeling like I'm on another (colonial) planet. I miss the bright lights of Las Vegas that would often guide me home if I ever found myself lost.

My first week on the job assessment: Hmm.. let's see. I'll make a list of things I've noticed.

• People are really chill in my office.
• I find that I generally like everyone - they've been pretty nice.
  
• I miss the sanctuary-like environment of my former office... sigh... That's the introvert in my. INTJ here.
  
• I do miss my students from UNLV but some of the ones I've met here seem pretty receptive, energetic and fun.
• It's the same ol' same ol' regarding student thoughts on programming. I already had one student tell me that something wouldn't work on this campus. In my last school, I heard students say the same thing. There is clearly some work to be done to help them see the infinite possibilities. I am a firm believer that you can make pretty much ANYTHING work on any campus - it's all in how you present the information to the audience.
  
• When you are familiar with the type of work you have to do - it's easy to jump right in!
• It's way easier to be yourself from the beginning instead of "flipping the script" on folks. Keep it real!
  
• Did I just hear someone yell down the hall for me? HA HA! That really trips me out. Reminds me of my father yelling in the house asking me to get him a glass of iced water. Incredible. It's a good reminder of what I did to Shina, my student worker. I will always reminder not to EVER yell in an office for someone's attention - a phone call or IM will suffice.
  
• Sometimes you just gotta jump right in and go for it.

This first week have been busy but in a good way. I already have tasks and meetings popping up and I'm ready. I can't wait to see what I can do within this position.

As for all of the other stuff... well. it's just that.. "stuff". I'll adjust, just as I did when I first started in Las Vegas. It'll just take me a few weeks.

More news to come from Colonial Fairfax....

HOLLA!

Sometimes Leaving is the Hardest Thing to Do

Just when you think you're prepared for your departure - you're really not. I say this because I thought I was ready to leave my position without a tear and I was wrong and I have the tears to prove it.

Ever since I was offered my new position I was in "la-la land" apparently. Thinking that this transition would be a piece of cake. I mean, what's 5 years at one institution? Let me tell you what it really is... an investment in myself, my students, friends and co-workers. I made these investments and I didn't realize how much my assets have matured. 5 years of growth and "mutual funding". Some people might invest more into you than you into them and vice versa, but we're all taking the gamble in our crazy, sometimes volatile student affairs market.

When I began at UNLV, I had 4 friends, Alli, Jerica, Yvette, and Mike, who all started on the same day that we all had things in common with one another - we were young, single, and party goers. We all learned from one another, looked after one another, made investments in our friendships and sometimes had to take "personal loans" out on each other to make it through our toughest of days. Ahh, the beauty of "mutual funding".

I always knew I'd miss the people I've met on this particular journey. There's a lot to be said for living a life of authenticity, audacity, and good humor. Over the course of the years, I've grown closer to people than I ever had in my life by living my life as such. However, I've never really been one to cry. I always said that I'll see you again or talk to you on the phone - so no need for tears. I put up that wall - I didn't invest my assets in others and kept them in the safe. I've moved so many times that I thought I had this process down. No need for tears because I wouldn't allow myself to shed them.

When I came to the decision to leave Las Vegas I know I didn't consider how it would be to actually leave. I thought I didn't invest into these relationships I've developed. Relationships with students, staff members, and friends (some of which are co-workers). I made a lot of investments in individuals. Investments in student leaders and helping to guide them through decisions and grow as leaders was a major part of this. This was the first of the dividends to be paid.

Dividends paid to me were amazing. Who has a surprise going away party? That's right me.. and my roommate put it all together. Thanks Sherry! The feeling of walking into a club and having a dozen or so people jumped from behind a red curtain can be ULTRA surprising. It overwhelmed me and made my eyes water. But I did well not to let one tear roll down.

When it came time for my farewell reception, I presented two plaques - one to each president of the organizations that I advised. I could hardly get through the presentation without blubbering. I was a teared up mess! After my sobbing sentiments, I had students tell me how much I influenced what they've done. How I've helped them to remain enrolled, get into programs, become RAs, members of RHA, serve as a team leader with one of my groups, etc. Of course, I teared up with these stories too. I just wish I could have bottled those up and saved them for a rainy day here in Virginia. I shared with them how they've also influenced the work that I do and how a couple of them have influenced my decision to stay for this last year that has just ended on April 18, 2008. The reception continued with extremely generous gifts from students - gift cards in dollar amounts that I couldn't believe, a new leather messenger bag, goodluck/farewell cards from people throughout the Division of Student Life and the coveted shadow box and Nevada plaque. It was emotionally overwhelming and I tried my hardest to play down every aspect but I couldn't hold back any longer.

The tears continued as I said goodbye to one of my closest friends on Sunday. I never realized how much he means to me and how powerful and meaningful his friendship is. Something as simple as a keychain stirred up the tears. The keychain has meaning and also references something I've helped him do each year for students.

The week was an emotional rollercoaster and it was only exacerbated by my sleep deprivation. It all culminated with me being taken to the airport by one of the members of the "Fab Five", Alli, who is really like a sister to me, accompanied by her mom, and her infant son. I thought it would be smooth - ya know... not wanting to make anymore deposits into these "mutual funds". She asked if I wanted them to go inside with me and I was pretending to be indifferent. You want them to, but you don't want to "got there" emotionally. Especially not going through the security checkpoint and then getting on the plane! Alli ended up making the decision for me and was asking if I had heard from another friend and I was like, "No, not a word." and she was puzzled and said she thought that was weird of her not to call or anything.

While we were in the airport waiting for Alli to come inside, her mom and I were making small talk. As we were talking I saw three people in the corner of my eye approaching, so I turned to see who it was and why they were walking up on me like that. It was Alli, Jerica and Yvette, the three remaining members of the "Original Fab Five" that all started and bonded as friends in July 2003. Tears ensued. Hugging commenced and it was a picture perfect ending to how it all began.

The impact of this experience runs deep. I've made lifelong friends, experienced personal and professional growth that surpassed my expectations and had the opportunity to do so in Las Vegas of all places!

I dedicate this blog to my friends... "Thank you for being a friend. Traveled down the road and back again - Your heart is true. You're a pal and a confidant."

The picture is of Alli, Yvette, myself and Jerica as they said goodbye to me at the airport.

It's Time to Ante Up!

How fitting is it that I can use the phrase "Ante UP"?

Tomorrow is my last day at UNLV and I've sat at the table and made my wager before I can see what cards I'm going to be dealt at my new institution. I surely hope I win big because I'm wagering a good bit - decrease in income and higher cost of living to name a couple. Sure, it sounds silly that I would leave a position where I make great money for a position where I'm not only going to make less but I will also be living in a more expensive area. Nevermind the fact that I'm going to have to make new friends, find new people to trust, figure out how to do this new job, find an apartment with a reasonable rent, etc.

I've also thought about how I chose to spend my hard earned dollars each month. I eat out for dinner a good bit. I will spend $20 on random stuff. I'll go to Target and buy a bunch of things I don't need. Capitalism can ruin us Americans! I have credit card debt that I can't even begin to tell you why the amount owed is so high. Just plain foolishness and nonsense!

So what's the payoff? Well, I've come to realize what's important to me. A little self-actualization if you will. The goal is to live a simpler life.

In the five years I've worked and lived in Las Vegas I've nurtured things I love - my art, being creative, imaginative, and being myself. While I need money to do many of these things, I don't necessary have to have a lot of things in my life to make me feel good.

Living a simpler life has never felt so good. This past weekend, in preparation of leaving for Washington, D.C. I sold what seemed to most, everything at my apartment sale. So much "stuff" that in fact, I made well over $400 on Saturday alone. What makes it so bad is that everything I sold, I never really looked at for a year or more, had it travel with me each time I moved, and sometimes even forgot I had it. That's a shame. NO ONE should ever have so much stuff that you can't even account for what you own. I was just acquiring things without thought to, "Is it necessary?" I am leaving Las Vegas with my essentials; clothes, music, movies, my art and a better sense of self.

With this new found understanding I am wagering that I made the right choice. That the cards on the table will show me some love and have a nice pay-off career-wise and socially. Wiser wagers and better bluffing.

Here's to simple living, taking risks, and makin' it work!

Wow.. My words actually helped!

Yesterday I received a message from one of my blog readers. It's crazy how you never know how people will take what you write and what they'll do with the words if they choose to do anything at all. This particular reader had emailed me a month or two ago saying their job search wasn't going so well and that he had forgotten how to use his light saber. Here's his email from yesterday.

Hey Dennis,

How's the new job going? Did you start already?

I got a new job too. I'll be moving to Seattle in a few weeks!

Your blog about keeping your light saber at full force really inspired me during my job search. Ironically, just when I had about given up on ever finding something, I thought back to your blog, built up a rejuvinated sense of confidence in myself, and had a job offer two days later. Of course, that's just a coincidence, but it inspired me none the less. Keep writing!

Have a great night!

C

How about that?

I just learned today that we have the exact same start date.

To the rest of you still searching. Use "The Force" - your confidence. Everything you need is within you. Your light saber is your ability to wield the power of all you know. Be nimble!

But what about the children?

I really didn't think it would happen. I had hoped for it to happen but at this point, I figured it just wasn't going to work out. Especially when I thought I completely bombed that last phone interview! You've guessed it. I have scored a job and the deal is verbally sealed!

Remember my posting about totally screwing up the interview? Or the one where I didn't have my light saber of skills ready? Or even when I said... "even if they call I'm not taking the on-campus"? Well.. I lied. HA!

Pretty much everyone goes through levels of self-doubt. I was concerned about not being ready for the next step - although I've been doing the level of work of someone who would be a level above me. I just lacked the confidence to believe that in myself. During this last and final campus visit I was ready! I even made a portfolio - WHICH by the way is a smart thing to do if you create a lot of things in your position. My portfolio consists of articles I've written that were accepted into publications, marketing materials I've created, assessment materials I've created, and presentations. It's a smart thing to have - Thanks for the tip, Kyle! I may not have used it.. but it kept my mind on the skills I possessed and gave me reassurance that, in the words of Rev. Jesse Jackson, "I AM SOMEBODY!"

The moment I accepted the negotiated terms of the offer (yeah.. salary negotiation is a scary thing all together too which could be a stand alone topic) I felt nervous and disoriented. Is this the right choice after 5 years? Will I be happy? What about all of the events, conferences, and activities I am currently working on? What about my colleagues? What about the friends I've made? What about the children?

What will happen to the students I've worked with all year? This really concerns me because it's going to be really hard on them to transition so quickly. Six weeks to move through all of this change? Will they receive the same or higher level of dedication to help them successful leaders and programmers? I'm not only leaving behind my student groups but also other student leaders that I've grown closer to - Resident Assistant, Multicultural Assistants, Students in the Activities and Involvement office, Office Assistants. Students who've grown accustomed to me always being here no matter how many times I've threatened to depart our fair city. And we can't forget the folks in the Dining Commons, maintenance and custodial staffs, people on my committees, classified staff, the list just goes on. There's a lot still buzzing about in my brain because it has year to even be 12 hours since I've said, "yes".

These relationships are important to me considering I'm such a relational person and had 5 years to develop those relationships. The connections I make are so vital that I want to make the transition as smooth as possible for both my sake and the sake of those I'm closest to. Just thinking about the group of friends I started this position with and leaving them makes me a little "emotional". It was like our own version of MTV's Real World. It's so intense!

Then I think of the opportunities before me. How exhilarating this will be. The newness. The freshness. The new challenges that will cause me stress out in the first year but become so "easy like Sunday morning". I'll be "the new guy". What's also exciting is that I'll no longer be working in a housing program. I'll actually be working in student activities!

So this is really "Where I wanna be" (to quote lyrics by Donnell Jones). I've been wanting to focus on student activities since I was in my first semester of graduate school. This is just another testament of "things always work out in the end" and while I may have to leave my students abruptly, there is something positive that can be drawn from the time we've spent together.

Good luck to all those who are job searching. Keep your light sabers handy and believe in and use "the Force". You'll be just fine.

Still Thinking of the 80/20

The hiring season is upon us.  

In the past several months I've been on a job search. What have I been searching for?  An escape from my current position or a step up into a new one?  The decision to job search when you're not having your hand forced is a tough one.  I'm sure many a student affairs professional has pondered when the right time to leave is.  I've been debating it for 2 years!  

I've been in this current position for 5 years now.  I like/love what I do.  It ebbs and flows, ya know.  Some days I think, "I have the greatest job on the planet!" and other times I have a hard time making it through a work week.  The latter is pretty rare.  

This time last year I was pretty certain that this current school year would be my last.  Man.. it's been tough to figure out what I want. I know what I want to do - work in student activities.  But what is it that I'm looking for in particular at a new institution?   I have it pretty good here.  I have a down to Earth supervisor, I get along with everyone in the department, I know tons of people on campus, I've cycled through an entire graduation class, I do well on my annual evaluations from peers and my supervisor, and I've garnered a reputation of respect, trust and achievement with staff and students.  

I've shared with close friends, my desires to conduct a job search.  While everyone is supportive, some have asked why do I want to leave if things are going so well.  I've thought about that myself.  After writing the first blog about the 80/20 rule I thought, "Wow, I have a close to 80% here and I'm off looking for that 20% and who knows if it'll even equal 80%."   If you've followed my blogs, you'll recall one from way back that talks about a student that came to talk to me about student organization "stuff". That conversation caused me to want to stay in my position for another year.   Yes, I'm in my 5th year here.  Yep, I'm pretty comfortable.  With that comfort comes the idea to "shake it up a bit".  I have an opportunity to "shake things up" for next year and change a couple of my duties - however, I haven't committed to this yet.  

I've gone on two campus interviews.  I didn't get either job.  One school hired an internal candidate.  The other hired someone who fit into their budget (at least that's what I gathered considering the type of conversation that was had with the Assoc. Dean).  I just interviewed with another school and that was probably not my best interview.  It was my birthday, I was on my cell phone for the interview and totally had my mind on other things.  The Light Saber was tucked away in the other suit that day! HA!  Even if by some chance I'm offered a second interview - I'm going to decline.  The pay simply isn't enough for the D.C. area.  This leads me to one other application.  It's an awesome opportunity.  A position that I can see myself fitting into just from the job description alone.  If this one doesn't work out - guess what?  I'll be here at UNLV doing a job that I enjoy.  

I really do think this university is a great fit for me for right now.  It's amazing how many people I've seen come and go for whatever reason - and I'm still here.  Longevity.  Now there's a word you don't hear from many people in the field.  Not until you reach a much higher level that is or if you work at an institution near or in the city you were raised.  

With that said.... I think I have 80% satisfaction for sure.  If it's this difficult to decide to leave, then there must be a whole helluva lot that keeps me vested.  

What makes YOU want to stay at your current institution? What's your percent of satisfaction that you feel you have in your current position?  

At any rate, here's to one more go 'round with the resume and to everyone finding their 80%!