The 80/20 Rule in Student Affairs

There was once a time when interviewing scared the crap out of me. Now it's just a matter of speaking my truths and not really trying to impress but just being your impressive self. Don't get me wrong, a phone interview is still an awkward time no matter how seasoned you might be but the campus interview is the clincher!

I'm closing in on my seventh year in the field of student affairs. I still love programming. It's a natural high for me. I thrive on seeing students have a great time. In this seventh year I am getting "the itch" and new job opportunities are my Marilyn Monroe. If you don't get that reference, then you're probably much younger than I and don't know old Hollywood.

I liken what I'm experiencing to adultery - you know... having a job I enjoy (80% of the time) and seeking out something that looks more appealing to fulfill my needs. If you didn't get the "Seven Year Itch" reference, maybe this more current reference will work. In the movie, "Tyler Perry's Why Did I Get Married?" they talk about the 80/20 rule. It's really common sense.

When you are in a relationship or marriage, your significant other can realistically only give you 80% of what you need in a relationship.

There will still be 20% of what you need that your significant other will not be able to provide you, and naturally you will desire that missing 20%. This is why many people tend to veer off and cheat, and sometimes even leave their partner.

Once they've found that 20%, it's refreshing, new and exciting. "Eureka! I've found what I've been missing.", they think in so many words. However, many people forget that the other person is only providing 20% of what they need, and they are missing out on the 80% that they had with their significant other or that that person can only truly provide 60% of what they need - which puts them in a worse situation than they were in.

Now, apply that to your current career situation. Is your current position fulfilling 80% of what you need? Ask yourself some of these questions.

Do you feel invested in your institution's goals?
Do you enjoy the work you do?
Do you enjoy the company of people in your department? Your division? Your students?
When you pull yourself out of bed, do you wake up and look forward to going to the office?
Do you feel as though you're making a difference?
Is your voice being heard?
Are you respected?
Have you grown in your position?
Have you been able to evolve your job duties?
Do you like the city you live in? Does it offer you all the options you've wanted?

There's no right or wrong answers. By saying "Yes" to 7 of the questions doesn't mean you're at 70%. You might also find that there are many more questions that you need to ask yourself.

Now I'm at a crossroads of the 80/20 path. Some days I feel like I have all that I need and sometimes I want to have an affair. Having gone on two on-campus interviews - I guess I'm having the affairs even if it's just flirting.

Taking this analogy even further - Ha Ha! - I'm trying to save my "marriage" and work on our (professional) relationship by re-evaluating my responsibilities. I want to be sure that I don't continue this "marriage" and become bitter in the end and resenting someone or some place. Sometimes you can freshen up the "marriage" and sometimes it's best to split amicably.

Only time will tell.

The last lecture of Randy Pausch 1

10 Minute Lecture

Full Length Lecture (which is MUCH better to watch)
The first 7 minutes or so are introductions, etc.

Today I was watching Oprah. Yeah.. She's one of my favs! On her show were people who were living with a disease that is killing them. Randy Pausch was one of her guest.

Randy has pancreatic cancer and has been told that he has only a few months before he will begin to deteriorate and eventually die. In his final lecture (which is something done at Carnegie Mellon University every year) he talks about maintaining your childhood dreams and achieving those dreams. It moved me.

There were several things that stood out in my mind from his lecture. One thing was that his parents never curtailed his creativity. He wanted to paint the walls in his room with pictures, ideas, etc, and his parents allow him to. So did my parents. That made me consider how lucky I was to have parents who allowed me to be "me". They may not have always been happy with all aspects of me but the undoubtedly respected me, my creativity and choices as a human being.

Randy (his lecture is THAT good that it makes me feel that we're so close that we're on a first name basis) has a knack for painting a vivid image of the simplicities of life.

It's a testament to living life through your own dreams and never giving up on those dreams. What a great lesson for us as student affairs professionals to learn/revisit and what an EXCELLENT lesson to teach our students.

Take a look at the clip. Share it. Talk about it. Ponder the concepts.

Imagine what life would be like if we truly focused on what really matters in life then what really matters to us.

Right now I'm workin' on a pretty good "head fake" :0) - you have to watch the video to get it.

This clip is only a snippet of his hour lecture. I am working to find a way to post the entire lecture on this site.

Self-Efficacy 101

This past week I witnessed something phenomenal. It was the culmination of weeks of planning. What I speak of is the Inaugural Students of Color Leadership Symposium and I served as a committee member.

My charge on the committee was to put out the call for programs and to put out the student registration Survey Monkey links. Sounds simple enough, right? I soon found myself totally vested in this, what would soon appear to be, a much needed program. I would send out emails weekly asking for program proposals and registrations. Each day (even while home) I'd check to see if our numbers were up. If they were, I'd set a new mini-goal. I'd find myself saying, "We have to hit "X Number" before the end of the week."

Through my efforts I met new people across campus that I would have never met. Colleagues of color that I never knew existed. How exciting is that? By the time the symposium took place, we found that we had 22 program proposals submitted and 92 students registered! That was even MORE exciting - considering it was an all day event on a FRIDAY!

There were sessions covering topics for different ethnicities as well as general programs that focused on becoming a better student or understanding that dynamics of their organization. One particular session that I attended was on Mestizo culture. First I thought, wow, this program might not be anything I'm truly interested in but it could be interesting. I mean, I do love learning about different things, cultures, ways of doing things.

As I sat through the session I listened to the presenter talk about his topic - Mestizos. I thought it was pretty interesting that he would quote Cater G. Woodson, not once but twice! I thought it odd that he would quote a black man and not someone who's Mestizo, Chicano, Hispanic... Instead, he chose to quote Woodson as he began his presentation.

“If you can control a man’s thinking, you don’t have to worry about his actions. If you can determine what a man thinks you do not have worry about what he will do. If you can make a man believe that he is inferior, you don’t have to compel him to seek an inferior status, he will do so without being told and if you can make a man believe that he is justly an outcast, you don’t have to order him to the back door, he will go to the back door on his own and if there is no back door, the very nature of the man will demand that you build one.” - Carter G. Woodson

The first thing I thought was, "Do these people in the room even know who Carter G. Woodson is?" Now I'm thinking, "Does the reader of this blog know who Carter G. Woodson is?" He is so instrumental in black history - So much so that he is FOUNDER of Black History Month. It also happens to be that I lived in the city where he once lived - Huntington, West Virginia...

The presenter asked the room what they thought Woodson meant by his quote. He asked everyone to consider the basics of the quote and reiterated, "If you can make a man believe that he is inferior, you don’t have to compel him to seek an inferior status... " It instantly made me think of where I grew up. You never had to tell any of the black kids that they didn't belong in Dearborn Heights after dark - that was just clearly understood. Other things that were understood was that blacks and whites could live in Inkster but blacks should never try to live in Dearborn Heights. My GOD - this was the 80s and I'm sure there are PLENTY of places like this in America to this day! Jena, Louisiana anyone?

The conversations went on in the session and we talked about ethnic pride and sense of self and how that helps individuals succeed in life. I spoke about how I always was given a self of self and pride because the schools I attended had a higher than average number of black teachers and principals and I must note, a black superintendent. I'm sure this dictated what type of programs we had in our school. We were celebrating Dr. Martin Luther King's birthday WELL before it was a national holiday. When it become a holiday I distinctly remember an entire half-day assembly in junior high were we celebrated and played the Stevie Wonder song, "Happy Birthday" over and over. If you didn't know, that song was written especially for Dr. King and not to give us black folks a soulful way to sing "Happy Birthday" on those auspicious occasions.

As I spoke about my childhood experience, I actually felt "black privilege". I experienced something that a group of people never felt in their school. A sense of comfort knowing that there were teachers that looked like me, talked like me, went to churches similar to me, and were successful (in my eyes) like I wanted to be. I never felt "on edge" walking around the school or that I couldn't do or say anything in particular.

For whatever reason, the yearly email that I receive each year of Black Inventions made me curious. I asked the students in the room if they ever recalled getting an email or seeing a list or read a book that even talked about inventions by people of Mexican descent. Everyone in the room either identified as black or Mexican. They said, "Well I know that the color TV was invented by a Mexican." and then she just stopped the list there. WOW! Number one, I didn't know that. Number two, You can't name anything else? Now I'm thinking, how sad is it that we HAVE to name off the race/ethnicity of a person to say, "Hey, a Mexican invented this." or "Did you know a black man made that?" Whoa is me... I told her that I could name at least a half dozen things off the top of my head that a black person invented and how it amazes me that she can't. Again, I felt a sense of privilege because I had been provided such information to make me aware of the contributions of blacks to America and the world.

The session concluded and I was still befuddled. What do I make of this? What should I make of this if anything? Where is the self-efficacy?

At the conclusion of the symposium I got up and spoke in front of the 20 or so students who actually stayed until the very end. I wanted to share with them how moving the session on Mestizo culture was and how I was shocked to learn what I learned. I told them that there HAS to be more inventions that Mexicans have made and given to society and that I was determined to find and share them with our students. I was so worked up that I began to shake and have a look of determination and lifted my voice to say, "I will be your ally!" I went on to say that as soon as I got back to a computer, my advocacy would begin. Thus far, I did a search on Google and found a few. TOP 10 MEXICAN INVENTORS - one such invention was the creation/finding of the active ingredient in birth control pills! This task wasn't as easy as finding black inventions. There is clearly a large inventory that someone started and continues to along to our "extended black families".

Self-efficacy can only happen when someone wants there to be a change. Don't demand a back door - demand a front door. Hell, demand your own house and kick out (or graciously invite) others out of your home! Demand more knowledge. Demand more education. Demand that you are NOT the stereotype. Demand that you are NOT the voice of your ethnic group or race. Demand that your self-worth is more valuable than what clothes you wear. Demand that there be change. Be the change you wish to see in the world (Ghandi) and start with now! Believe in yourself.

A sense of pride can't just happen overnight. It occurs over time. Through life lessons and book lessons. Through discussion and knowing heritage and history. Through sharing thoughts, ideas, and those lessons. I know that's where my pride comes from and I want to pay it forward by being a role model for anyone I come in contact with.

I want to add to this list of Latin/Hispanic Inventions. So please send me any new ones to add to the list. Post your findings in my comments, please!

Self-Efficacy

More Mexican Inventions

Some Black Inventions

On the New Seaon of...

I guess it's because I've gotten swept up in the drama that ensues on my newly purchased DVDs of season two of Dynasty. I love a good drama! I love Alexis Carrington! I have season one also and it's not nearly as thrilling as season two - I think anyone who enjoyed this 80's evening soap knows this. What those same people would know is that the drama is always the same - just presented differently in each episode and that's precisely the world of student affairs.

Love it or leave it - our careers in student affairs is dramatic. It's not unusual to hear "She said..." , "He said...", "I can't believe he...", "Did you know..." on campus - from other professionals no less. HA!

I've just started the season of meetings on our campus. I'm in my 5th season of this series. Complex Council, Residence Hall Association, National Residence Hall Honorary, Dining Commons Committee, Committee for the Committee of Forming a Committee, and the "let's meet tomorrow to discuss what was discussed in today's meeting" meetings. It can all be so dramatic and seem so important.

If you've worked with student groups you know how a dramatic turn of events can happen and throw people into a tizzy. This week on As the RHA Turns, I witnessed a dialogue exchange that will undoubtedly morph into a battle between "Krystal" and "Alexis". As the advisor, I'm challenged with managing/directing each episode and I thought, "How do I manage these two personalities and make sure the good of the team is intact?" I mean, we DO have a lot more episodes to do! My first thought was to sit back and watch because as I said earlier.. I LOVE a good drama. Then there's the seasoned student affairs professional in me that says, "You better get a grip on these two!"

Working with students who are trying to figure out who they are, what it really means to be mature, and how to become more professional without compromising their authenticity is tiring! But it's a labor of love.

Each semester presents 16 new episodes. They laugh; they cry; they argue; they threaten to walk out on you; they vow to never talk to someone unless they have to; they plan; they plan to watch things fail; they plan to succeed; they vanish only to return just in time when their help is no longer needed; they work until their help is no longer needed. Our students can, at times, be all these things and more and it's our dedication to them that encourages them to be the stars of the show. It's our job to bring out the talent and natural gifts in our students and help them shine.

So, on with the show and may each of us who advise student organizations strive to be the Aaron Spellings of our campus. Dramatic close-ups, paused stares into the cameras and all!

Free to Be?

For the last week or so, I've been struggling with how to tackle this particular topic - AUTHENTICITY. How many of us truly live authentic lives? Are our professional lives separate from our authentic lives? Do they blend nicely or is there a Mason Dixon line present?

I felt it was time to write this blog because it just seemed as though I was being presented with hint after hint to write this blog. First it was a conversation, then it was something I witnessed at work, then it was an article I read, then another conversation. Today was the tipping point when the topic on Oprah was being who you were meant to be - living authentically without fear. This episode featured Ellen Burstyn, Sheryl Crow, and Dana Buchman as well as many other prominent women in entertainment talking about how they have finally been able to be the person they feel they were meant to be.

I like to think that I live pretty authentically at work and in my personal life. Granted, there are things that are too personal to talk about at work - everyone need not know ALL of your business! However, I think there's merit to being "YOU" 24/7 as much as possible. Choosing to do things because you want to not because you feel obligated. To feel comfortable in sharing your opinions and standing your ground with your beliefs. Being able to share who you are with the students you work with confidently, without feeling like you'd be judged by them OR your supervisor - I mean.. we DO try to teach civility and acceptance, right?

I read an article today to research this topic. I knew what it feels like to live authentically but I couldn't articulate it. However, this article does it really well.

"Truly being your Self in any given situation means you are: at peace with your Self, in love with your Self, into your Self or at one with your Self. When you're being your Authentic Self you feel empowered, powerful, confident, capable, strong and One with All That Is."
(Excerpt from The Freedom of Being Authentic By Melissa Van Rossum)


I know for a fact that I hadn't been authentic until I made the move to Las Vegas. In undergrad I wasn't being myself. I joined a fraternity and did a half-ass job of being myself. The fraternity gave me a lot of my personality for 5 years - and honestly, I needed one badly because I was so afraid of knowing who I was so that was something that defined me. Then there was grad school - and I was still undefined. Beginning my first student affairs professional gig - I was on the cusp of living authentically.

A journey of authenticity - scary, huh? Yeah it is scary. The first year I decided to be me 24/7 I began by putting a rainbow sticker on my car in 2003. I wanted students to be able to identify an ally and a member of a specific community. It's a part of who I am just as being black is. In doing that, I was officially stating my orientation to EVERYONE at the university and community. It was scary and liberating - it was also a way to say it without me actually "saying it". Still a bit cowardly. Four years have passed and I now sport Marshall University paraphernalia on my new car rather than rainbow anything. I've gotten to the point where it's easier to talk about with students, staff, and friends. Living an authentic life on and off campus. I've empowered myself and now I'm able to help empower others.

Feeling empowered, confident, capable and strong is important for anyone in any field - the only difference for those in our career is that while we're pushing to be all those things while we're tryin' to help others to arrive there too. Do we ever make ourselves vulnerable to our students? To our colleagues? Are we being "too real" too often and where do you stop being real and being professional? Is it based on your own comfort level? If it is your comfort level, then we're back to square one - are you comfortable with who you are and what you represent? Shouldn't we be role models?

Let's talk about role modeling briefly. What is a good role model? Someone who appears to have arrived to where they are without mistakes or struggles? Or is a role model someone who will share their trials and errors, their successes and offer guidance on how to become successful? One of my biggest pet peeves in our field are professionals that act as though they've NEVER done anything wrong and chastise students who do make mistakes.

There's a quote that I began to say 4 years ago and I can't remember who said it but it goes like this... "It's much easier to live one life than to live two lives and just as easy to be yourself than to be the somebody someone else created." At the end of the day you only have to answer to one person.. and that's you. Your friends, your colleagues and your students will respect you more for your honesty. Express who you are more regularly and you'll begin to feel stronger, more capable, more empowered because of your honesty. And because of your honesty you'll live a freer more authentic life.

As the school year begins - think of how different it might be if you were more authentic in your work. Consider blurring those lines between personal and professional and allowing people the opportunity to know you.. flaws and all (that's right, Beyonce'!)